Time for me to rant about my personal problems

This post may be a case of TMI (Too Much Information) and is primarily for my own therapeutic value. You are welcome to read if you'd like, but don't say I didn't warn you.

I had a really really bad day today! I'm gonna try not to go into too too much detail, but for those of you who would rather not know more personal info, then you may want to go somewhere else. Don't worry though, this is my own personal drama, lol. Doesn't involve any of you this time.


Okay, well today I broke up with my gf. It started out because I had mentioned possibly going to the walk-in clinic since I have been struggling with insomnia, among other things, lately, last night. When I woke up this morning, I was still feeling blah, but it felt more like an episode of my depression rather than any type of physical thing...so I was still undecided on whether or not I wanted to bother going in. So my gf calls me to ask when we're leaving, and then proceeds to list a whole lot of things she wants to do while we're out. Yeah, cuz I so wanna go shopping and run errands when I'm not feeling well...

Okay, well I told her I wasn't sure yet, which bought me another hour. Then she started messaging me on msn bugging me to come stay the night at her place, she would take care of me, etc...I told her maybe, but probably not. So she continued to bug until I finally told her that if she wanted to see me so badly why didn't she just come here. So she did, along with her daughter who was home sick from school.

From the moment they walked in my house I wanted to murder them both! Constant chatter and questions and demands...ugh. Plus she brought the dog, so both dogs, mine and hers, were running all over the place, jumping up on everyone, and overall creating a huge cacophony. So needless to say, I was feeling a little irritable and snappy. (You can ask jaded, lol, I was complaining to her on yahoo that if my gf didn't shut up soon I was gonna murder her...lol)

SO, after a while of this my gf started bugging me again to go to the clinic. I told her I didn't want to and that if I was still feeling poorly by tomorrow I would go then. She then proceeds to get all dramatic and starts saying "You need to go now! You're gonna end up dying and all because you refused to go get help"

so, being pi***d off already, I snapped at her "Well, if it's my time to go then it's my time to go!"

So she started crying and then bugging me about how much time I spend on the computer blah blah...and how I didn't seem to want to spend any time with her anymore...and well, you know how it goes.

Now, here's where it gets tricky to describe...there were some issues earlier in our relationship which I have never been able to get passed. To put it bluntly, she abused my son, and I found out and reported her. I took the kids to the shelter, spent Christmas there (not this past one) and anyway, I ended up with custody of her daughter during the six months she was in extensive therapy and counseling. We also worked with social services and everything to try and get passed it. ANYWAY, since then she is not allowed around my son except in very special circumstances (the only time she's seen him since was this past Christmas) and I have told her I will not live with her again.

So, anyway, when she started demanding to know why I seemed so distant lately I was truthful with her and told her that I was still having difficulty dealing with these issues. She wanted specifics, so I gave them to her. I said that I didn't know why we were continuing a relationship when we would never even be able to live together, and when I couldn't, and may never be able, to trust her. Her response was that we could live together when the kids were grown up and that trust could be earned back in time. I told her I wasn't willing to shelve my life for the next 13-15 years. She of course said I was being selfish. Anyway, she threw her ring at me (funny how she gave me back the $100 ring I bought her 2 years ago, but not the $1000 laptop I loaned her the money to buy 2 days ago!) called for her daughter to come downstairs cuz they were leaving, grabbed the dog and left.

So then I get a call from a neighbour...she apparently called her and went into this whole spiel how I was off my meds and suicidal (which I'm not, in either case). So my poor neighbour was all worried and I had to convince her that I broke it off with Jewel because I felt it was time, not because I was mentally unstable!

So then, later, Jewel sends me a message on msn asking how to do something on her computer...so I explain it to her, then ask her what we are going to do about the money she owes me. I also told her not to worry about the laptop, that she could consider it a gift. So she then says:
"That is up to you....but I do need the cell money up front if you are going to keep using it or I will disconnect and expect you to pay the $400 disconnection fee"

and I got pi***d and responded with:

"no you can disconnect it...but if I'm letting you keep over 1000 that you borrowed off me why should I also have to pay you 400 for the disconnection?"

So after that I had her make a list of the "budget" as it stands to make sure we agreed on everything. I also am making her pay for the laptop now. After looking at the list, and the way she was treating me...I am just so tired of being walked all over! Does it ever stop? She owes me a total of $1269 and wants to make payments of $50 a month. I have a feeling I'm never gonna see this money.....

Anyway, that's my rant. I'm still feeling kinda surreal about the whole thing....

All comments are welcome...make sure you tell me what an idiot I am for putting myself in these kinds of positions over and over again. Ugh...I think I'm just gonna give up! Some people are just meant to be alone I think...be better off.

Hope you are doing better since last time we talked. Hang in there.

Hugs Nam

I hope everything gets better really soon!

I'm sorry Nam that just sucks all around. I hope things get better!

Thanks you guys. I'm actually doing a lot better than I thought I would. Seems it's been a long time coming, and I guess I was just ready for it. Of course, it could still hit me in a day or two...lol...but I'm doing just fine now!